I am 22.
I live in Texas, USA.
I am kind of a loner. A homebody.
I'm fairly intelligent.
But, I'm also, kind of "out there"
I live inside my own head, and it's a head full of fantasy..
Good and bad.
But that's not what I wanted to write this about. If you read on in the future. You'll see what I mean.
At the moment. What weighs my mind, Is this.
I'll tell you a story.
I often like to communicate with people from other countries. I use a translator to talk to them in their language sometimes, but they usually speak English, some better than others. But these people. who live all the way around the world. (Not in america) some of them have become familiar friends. (Online.) I learn that, People in america suck. (Just my opinion, don't burn me for treason.) Anyway, I am getting off track again. (hard to focus for some reason.)
OK, so, the story. I was online, (On a website I will not name.) & I befriended an 18 yr old girl from Kyrgyzstan. And Well, we talked in Russian, and English, and Russian again, and then English again.
I found the small mistakes in the wording here and there adorable. haha
Anyway. We ended up talking quite a bit, and soon I found myself, waiting. I would wait, During the night. to speak with her. And then, I would wait while she slept to talk to her. (All this waiting was due to the time difference on this side of the world.) I started catching myself smiling alot. I seemed to hit a burst in creativity. (I even seemed to pull myself together well enough to articulate, to explain all this better, I seemed to be less stressed.) We would talk about.... Well, everything. Music, Hobbies, Dreams, etc. She is very beautiful. And I liked myself, when we talked. I'm sure by now you've firgured out, that over time. I fell for this girl, This vibrant. mysterious, unique, completely entrancing person. And I began to feel, I had to be with her. All my life I have felt I did not belong.and yes, I am discontent with the state of things in my country, don't misunderstand me. I understand how much better it is here than generally everywhere, I mean. In some ways. But, I don't belong, you understand?
"Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand
the Theory of Relativity and Principles of Uncertainty: phenomenon that
determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one
direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday I believed that I
would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake
time and space, that can shape and alter who we imagine ourselves to be,
begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives
and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood moment to
" I understand now, that boundaries between noise and sound and between us
are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be
transcended. One may transcend any convention, if only one can first
conceive of doing so. Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating
as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion.
My life extends far beyond the limitations of me."
"Our lives are not our own."
I find myself venturing into different ways of thinking lately anyway. Less ,, Certain, of my views, my outlooks on things. I begin researching. And planning to go to this country, Kyrgyzstan. Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. Feel free to voice your opinion, or thoughts. I could use different outlooks on this.